I trust myself.
I will be myself.
I don’t know how many times I’ve repeated those statements to myself. Or how many times I’ve written them in my journal.
At first I didn’t believe it. It felt awkward and strange but still I persisted. So many women, teachers, leaders I admired said that self-love and self-acceptance was critical for peace in life. I trusted their knowledge and their processes and I found ways to maybe-kinda-sorta let statements like that be true for me.
One day it clicked. I didn’t stick to any goal or process or job that I hated. Mentally berating and chastising myself didn’t get me anywhere.
I wanted change to feel good. I wanted the pursuit of goals to be easy and fun and light me up.
I let it. I decided that I was good enough, worthy enough, deserving of love and respect exactly as I was. No changes or progress necessary. I was no longer a mess or a train wreck. I was a loving, kind, sensitive, empathetic person. I decided that changing got to be easy.
Any change I wanted to make that came out of a belief that I was flawed or faulted or not good enough would never result in lasting change or a lifestyle that I would love.
For example, this morning I planned to get up and exercise. I got new resistance bands last night and I really wanted to try them. When I woke up, I had a headache and my stomach was upset. I realized that taking a walk by the water with my dogs was more in line with what my body, mind and soul needed.
That’s what I did. I could beat myself up for not getting a sweat on. That will get me nowhere. Going for that gentle walk was what my body needed and it was showing love and compassion to myself. .
I am intelligent enough to take a program or a plan and make it fit to my life without feeling like I’ve failed or messed up. Ultimately, I will not stick to a plan I hate. That’s crazy. Being able to take that plan and make modifications to meet my needs is how I build a lifestyle. That’s the definition I use for an intermediate yoga student – able to modify or adjust postures to meet the needs of your body that day.
Blindly following a set of rules or a plan or a program someone else set out without consideration and adjustment for your own needs, skills is strengths divorces your mind from your body.